My father died 4 years before my mother. When both my parents were incapacitated, they were both afraid of being alone. My father was lucky that my mother never leaves his side. Although he had Alzheimier and his mobility was practically restricted, he remembered his wife’s name. After his death and mother had a minor stroke, she wanted somebody to always be besides her. Her joy was when her children and grandchildren, would come visiting. While mother welcomes death, father was afraid to die. I saw that fear many times while I sat besides him holding his hand.
Only 25% of Americans have no fear of death, according to a research carried out in 2019, while 75% has varying degrees of fear.
Malaysia has no such statistics. I know of many who are afraid of death, and some are more afraid of the dying process than death itself.
As can be seen from the above statistic, fear of death is common.
Fear of death is essential because it make us more cautious and careful; preventing us from being reckless and endangering our own lives.
However, intense fear that preoccupies our thoughts and restrict us from living a functional life, is not normal. For example, in this covid-19 pandemic period, this paranoia about death can be reflected by the phobia of hearing any news related to Covid-19. Our anxiety level spikes. We pace up and down our room, in the middle of the night; shaking in our pyjamas, for fear the angel of death will swoop upon us. We are consumed by irrational thoughts and beliefs; fearful of the sufferings and pain we “might” encounter in the process of dying, fearful of what will happen to us in our afterlife; of being thrown into hell albeit us being a good person; of not being ready for death because we have young children who are highly dependent on us; fear of leaving our beloveds vulnerable to the challenges of life, and so on and so forth.
Sometimes these fears are connected to a past trauma or we may be facing an existential crisis.
Here is a simple exercise that you can do to alleviate some of these anxieties. It may seem morbid, but being able to confront death, means normalising death. It is, after all, part of our journey. It may be the end of our journey, or it may not be. But it is still your choice on how you want to face death.
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